When Does a Guilty Pleasure Become a Fixation

I have Asperger’s and I’m constantly hyper focused on certain things. Whether it be a TV show or a person, a make up brand or a style of trainers. I can’t just buy one t shirt. I have to have four the same. I have three pairs of Stan Smiths “just in case”. I have a habit of buying clothes online from Boohoo or PLT, Shein or Miss Pap then sending them back. Is it the adverts that are so appealing? I know they’re gonna look like shit on me because I’m not the size I was. I’m not a bronzed, tall blonde goddess. I’m a short ginger pale freak. I look more like Karen Matthews than I do Nicola Roberts. I have 5 parcels here that I need to take back to Evri and Royal Mail. So why do I buy so much? Hoard so much? 

Apparently it’s because I’m single and don’t have kids. I’m “filling a void”. I’m empty and the only thing that can nourish me is Boohoo. Wow. 38 and constantly ordering shit online, only to send it back. But do I want kids? Nah. I don’t want anything apparently unless it’s made from 100% polyester. And returnable. 

So what do I do instead? I work, I go to the gym. I drink too much gin. 

Maybe I need a boyfriend. I’ll let you know how THAT goes.